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Happy-go-lucky concert goer yet hopeless romantic Taurean. I speak fluent Javanese, Indonesian, English, and Sarcasm. Forever in love with Liverpool FC, Children, L'Arc~en~Ciel, Cats, Chocolate, and Purple. Steven Gerrard is Legend. Iron Man is Superhero.

Monday, 28 April 2014

RUN! It's Your Birthday!

I must run this year. I must run faster. Faster than ever before. Time is ticking and I can't just stand still. 

I'll run to you!

Tuesday, 15 April 2014


96 fans I can never meet
96 fans I can never greet

25 years ago today
you never returned home

this flame will never go out
we will never forget you
you will always be remembered
the truth will always prevail
and justice will be served

rest in eternal peace, Brothers and Sisters...

Monday, 14 April 2014

Wake Me Up When You Lift The Cup

I burst into tears when I saw Steven Gerrard at the end of the match. I lost count of how many times this man made me cried. Seriously, Gerrard, how can I not love you?

24 years.
24 effin years just waiting for a chance to be back on where we were, where we should be, top of the league, closer to the Premier League title. I didn't know that I could be this patient. Didn't realise that it was Liverpool factor until last night. I couldn't help myself, I couldn't hold the tears, I cried. Tears of joy. Tangis itu pecah mana kala menyaksikan Legenda Liverpool menitikkan air mata sesaat setelah wasit meniup peluit tanda pertandingan berakhir. Yes... It's been too long, for me, for us fans, for Liverpool, for the man himself... Steven Gerrard. No one deserves the Premier League title more than him. 

I've been supporting this magnificent football club since 1998 and my love has grown stronger than ever. No one understands this emotional bond I have with Liverpool (well, only if you're a fan too like me), termasuk reaksi haru biru yg begitu natural semalam. Being a Liverpool fan is not easy. It's a full-time job. Once a Red, you'll be forever a Red. Well, at least, that's what goes in me. As a 90s generation, I've been riding the Liverpool roller coaster and I was not a good rider at some moments. That moment when my First Liverpool Love, Michael Owen, left the club... I was so sad. As if my sadness wasn't enough, he returned home as a Manutd player. I was brokenhearted. Rasanya seperti dikhianati orang yg paling kita cintai. Hancur.

Gerrard was always be the one who could cheer me up. He was always be there for us fans. How do I spell 'loyalty'? It's G-E-R-R-A-R-D. His loyalty to Liverpool was beyond superb. Ini bukan perkara bias karena saya seorang fan Liverpool. Well, di mata pemain lain pun Gerrard adalah sosok yg disegani. Beberapa mengamini bahwa Gerrard lebih berhak mendapatkan Premier League Title lebih dari siapapun di liga ini. Alam semesta seolah berkonspirasi. Semalam, di Anfield, tangan Tuhan bekerja dengan indahnya. Witnessed by the Famous Kopites and 96 Angels in heaven, Liverpool won 3-2 after a dramatic match vs Manchester City. Aura magis Anfield terasa hingga ke Rolling Stone Cafe Jakarta Selatan, tempat dimana saya dan ratusan pecinta Liverpool menyaksikan momen istimewa tersebut. Moment of Silence untuk 96 saudara merah yg tak sempat menjadi saksi bagaimana Gerrard begitu emosional. Kemenangan yg tak bisa dibilang mudah itu seolah menjadi tangga harapan Liverpool menuju surga dunia, Juara Liga Premier Inggris.

Saya seolah deja vu dengan apa yg Gerrard lakukan semalam. This man is born leader. For so many times I was amazed by his charisma. The way he put his feet back on the ground after the winning, tried to be in control and calmed the lads down. Perjalanan belum berakhir. Masih ada 4 pertandingan menanti. Konsistensi. Tahan diri. Hindari tinggi hati. Then I realised that I've been watching this decent attitude since I was kid. He never changed. He's the same old Steven Gerrard.

Saat Tuhan mengirimkan manusia bernama Brendan Rodgers ke Liverpool, saya tak langsung menerima agendaNya. Siapa sih Brendan Rodgers? Sehebat apa dia sampai menggantikan King Kenny saya? I was in total doubt. Still in my own denial cause I didn't want anyone to replace King Kenny. When he was sacked, I cried. Rani Tearjerky. He was good in Swansea, so? Liverpool ain't Swansea. 

Mulut ini kerap mengeluh bahkan mengumpat dengan semua hal yg Ia lakukan. Mulai dari belanja pemain hingga taktik di lapangan. Saya bukan pandit seperti beberapa rekan di BIGREDS, tapi saya tidak sebodoh itu tentang sepakbola. I cared so much about this club. Ya of course I knew my voice wasn't loud enough to be heard. I only remembered that I once said a comment when Liverpool released Rodgers' first ever photo in Anfield. I said that the way he held the scarf... I saw Our Great Shank's gesture in a glance. But that was it. I didn't remember other good thing I said about him. I was so mean, I know.

When we finished at the 7th place in the league, I wasn't satisfied. It was just a place higher than King Kenny's. Again, I was still that mean. Saya bukan orang yg gampang terkesima dan yakin dengan orang baru. Sama seperti slogan kampanye sosial Liverpool, "seeing is believing" that's how people should impress me. Saat tur pramusim lalu, saya tidak berkesempatan untuk bertemu langsung dengan Rodgers. Saya hanya mendengar cerita dari teman-teman yg bertemu dengannya, melihat foto-foto bersama mereka, ya hanya sekedar cerita. 

Musim 2013-2014 dimulai dan perlahan kejutekan saya terhadap Rodgers mulai luntur berganti dengan simpati. I began to respect this man because he has a vision. He's a visionary manager. He'd lead the team in Liverpool philosophy. I started to think that he's got the spirit of Shankly. Setiap saya melihat foto-foto latihan sehari-hari tim di Melwood, bagaimana pemain berinteraksi dengannya, dan rona wajah yg tak dibuat-buat... hingga detik sekarang, saya akui saya salah. Agenda Tuhan memang selalu tepat. Ia yg paling tahu dan saya berterimakasih atas manusia utusan bernama Brendan Rodgers itu. I do respect you, Manager. Kereta ekspres dari Merseyside yg berwujud anjing Chihuahua itu kini melaju dengan kencang. Jangan injak remnya. Kita hampir sampai tujuan.

Now that we're a little closer to the end, I wish nothing but what we truly deserve... Premier League Title. Saya yakin Rodgers, seluruh tim, dan 96 malaikat di atas sana ingin Liverpool memenangkan gelar itu untuk Gerrard. Saya ingin melihat simbol kesetiaan itu menangis lagi di akhir musim. Dan ketika Ia menangis, Ia sedang memeluk dan mencium cawan perak raksasa (sambil menunjuk langit agar saudaranya bisa melihat hadiah dari Gerrard untuknya) yg sudah kita rindukan kepulangannya ke Anfield. I want you to be the happy, Captain. All of us want you to be the happiest person on earth at the end of this season. Yeah, maybe it's true that you're happy with your life... that you're living the dream, to be the Liverpool Captain since you're a big fan (England as well), that you have a beautiful wife and 3 sweet daughters... but in our deepest heart, in our prayers, we want Liverpool to complete your set of happiness. We dare to dream, the wildest dream... WE'RE GONNA WIN THE LEAGUE. We're gonna win the league for the 96. WE'RE GONNA WIN THE LEAGUE.

I will be there to witness our glory once again, I will definitely cry Niagara tears, I will. Until then, let me dream a little bit more. Wake me up when you lift the cup. 

You'll Never Walk Alone.
JFT96



Thursday, 10 April 2014

My Time Will Come...

"My time will come..."
That line was taken from Martin Kelly's tweet when he found out that he couldn't be in the first team after got his injury recovered. It became my favorite line lately. I believe that everyone's got the right time and the right moment in life. The problem is, when?

Life is unfair and if I keep asking about when instead of why then I might not get the answer. Time is ticking and I can't stop thinking. I can figure out why my 6 yrs relationship failed, or why did I leave my hometown, also why I can never deal with Manchester United fans except My Brother. But I can't figure out when will I let myself free from my own thoughts. 

A few months ago I got a little surprise from My Sister. She told me that she might get married sooner than she thought and my Mom seconded that. At first I was like "wow, she's really getting settled that soon?" but then "how soon is soon?" cause she'll be 25 this year and as I remember, I used to see myself as "a young mother of 1 or 2 at 25". She's already passed my used-to-be minimum age limit for marriage, so it's not that soon.

I never see myself, My Sister and My Brother as grown ups. I always think that we're still the same old kids in the house. So when the news came up, I found myself in a sudden moment of silence. Not to pity myself or to feel completely envy but to contemplate myself more. I have been blessed with so many things in my life, some, My Sister couldn't achieve. I remember when I used to have a good time for bullying her that I could do better in many things but that's simply because an Older Sister's nature. I then began to think, "well, yeah, life is fair in its own way."

Apparently, this little surprise runs in the family. Mom and Dad were also dealt with the same situation in the past. Their Siblings got married first. Now I know what it's like. It's not that I'm not happy with the news, how can I not happy? She's my only Sister. It's just... well, I can't explain these mixed-emotions I have within me. My sister dated a lot. Not to say I never thought she'd settle down, but my Parents and I had a phrase going: Every time she'd bring a new boy home, we'd joke that he was the latest member of the Boyfriend of the Month club. So technically when she told me about the news, I was speechless. 


She'd been dating this guy for about five months (I guess...). I think I met him twice. People have to understand: This had nothing to do with me. I just had so many random thoughts and they're gone wild. Happy and sad at the same time. I was worried that My Sister was about to make the mistake of a lifetime since I barely knew the guy. Until she was hospitalised, I had my second thought about this guy. 



Last 2 weeks when I had a chance to visit home for a day, Mom told me that the proposal will be held tonight (April 10, 2014) exactly on his birthday and I said "ok, that's fine." I could see something that disrupted Mom's mind when she said those words. Me. She then started to soothe and compose me so that I'd feel fine with the whole sudden situation. To be honest, I'm not that fine. April is my month. I was born this month. I'll be a year older by the end of this month. 


The fact that I'm still on my own today is what worries Mom so much. It's not that I don't wanna be with someone but being suffered from a traumatic relationship is physically, mentally, and emotionally drained. Seriously, I want to settle down. Who doesn't? When? I don't know. I have no idea. Should I be worried? I don't think so. Well maybe a little since Mom has been there before. My only problem is that I always worry about what others think about me, even worse, about Mom. That I'm (more than) old enough to get married, that I'm not an eligible bachelorette cause I have no man to bring home, that Mom would be ashamed for having me as her daughter. THOSE. CRAPS.

"I hate those kind of traditions... that you have to get married before a certain age... if not, people will say stuff about you... I think it's ridiculous!"

"This weekend my uncle called me cause my dad is visiting them... and he asked me when do I get married... and I told him to fuck off"

Those encouraging lines I got from a stranger named Alex whom I knew 2 or 3 years ago. He is now my mood booster, my close friend, my private advisor, my I-don't-know-what's-going-on-between-us buddy who lives halfway around the world. I adore the way he sees life. He's a few years younger than me but he has a more mature mind. If only I could say "fuck off" to my relatives (which I believe they would attack me with the WHEN QUESTIONS), but I'm no Alex. Even when I have to deal with one scene in "27 Dresses" where Katherine Heigl's character, Jane, is confronted by an older aunt...


"Must be so hard to watch your younger sister get married before you," her aunt says, mentally wringing her hands.

As much I adore his freedom and independency, I value my family so much for blood is thicker than water. Besides, despite everyone's curiosity and concerns with my love life, when and if I ever decide to get married, is MY business, not theirs.  Some marry early and it lasts, some don't last. Some marry later and it lasts, some don't last. The only thing that really matters is MY choice! I'm not entitled to an opinion. I want to get married, but I do not want to get married for the wrong reasons. I would not take pressure from anyone including my Parents. So, I'll sit through the crazy questions and  I guess I just have to endure... :)

I will end this with some good wishes for my only Sister. I hope that this will be the ONLY marriage she ever had in her life. I hope his soon-to-be husband will love her more than I love her. He should be ready with her surprisingly swollen pillow face every morning, her sudden farts, her stupid karaoke singing and still love her for it all. I might ask her to watch tons of Japanese and Korean dramas once she got pregnant later so that I could have cute Asian nieces and nephews. I know I rarely say lovely things to you since it's not my style, but I want you to know that I love you so much. You're the only Sister I got (I can't believe I'm typing this with teary eyes), and you'll leave home soon. I'll be missing you a lot.

I should be prepared for being the "older, unmarried sister" at the party. Definitely isn't the best introduction but at least I'm not the cat lady – yet. Meanwhile, I want to have a good time and lead an exciting life before I settle down. WHEN? I don't know. Maybe waiting longer can pay off? *crossing fingers*